it was during this time that i grew more and more discouraged at my "sunday morning" church
you see...this church had always been completely out of my comfort zone
and i had "argued" for YEARS with God about why on earth He had put me THERE
and as i started exploring more of lesson 2 (God is in the charismatic environment too)
i was really bummed -- for lack of a better word
that He wasn't allowing me to be involved in a church like that
i was learning so much about my giftings
especially in prophetic ministry and prayer
and these were not ways that i could ever serve in that "sunday morning" church
i was discouraged that i was being awakened to all these amazing things
ways to minister
and i was "stuck" in a tradition that wasn't even my own
where i would never be welcome in a ministry position, much less one that involved the prophetic
somewhere along the line the discouragement turned into sadness
for what the people in that church were missing out on
and i began yearning for a way to share in some small way
the things i was learning
and then in the youth group where we volunteered, the pastor began a series on the Holy Spirit
and he, i knew, was a believer in the workings as i had experienced them
and i felt the freedom as well as the nudge from Holy Spirit
to be transparent and real with our students
and it was good
(i posted about it during that time: here)
and one wednesday night
i was helping to lead worship
and as the man who was leading the teaching portion of the service
was speaking of the Glory of God and all the blessings we are poised to receive from Him
and i began having a dialogue with my Papa
i was almost angry
as i bowed my head and asked "why don't they SEE it?
they will never understand the full scope of what he's saying."
when i looked up
i'm sure anyone glancing at our part of the platform wondered
why i had a sudden "deer in the headlights" expression
but for the first time EVER
i was seeing an angel
he stood tall in the middle of the aisle
and was silent, looking straight ahead
and in his hands were golden coins
i knew immediately that the coins overflowing from the angel's hand
were blessings ready to be poured out on any who were ready to receive
and i continued staring
though everything in me wanted to run to him
draw attention to him somehow
i knew it wasn't time
this story has a ps
that i will share soon
but as i blinked over and over to ensure that he was in fact still there
i knew that God had opened my eyes to see that He is still in this place
as discouraged as i was
He was ready to pour out blessings to His children here
and i left that night
comforted in the knowledge
and a whole lot more at peace
with still being there
