God-seeker {lesson 3} angel in the great hall

it was during this time that i grew more and more discouraged at my "sunday morning" church

you see...this church had always been completely out of my comfort zone
and i had "argued" for YEARS with God about why on earth He had put me THERE

and as i started exploring more of lesson 2 (God is in the charismatic environment too)
i was really bummed -- for lack of a better word
that He wasn't allowing me to be involved in a church like that

i was learning so much about my giftings
especially in prophetic ministry and prayer
and these were not ways that i could ever serve in that "sunday morning" church

i was discouraged that i was being awakened to all these amazing things
ways to minister
and i was "stuck" in a tradition that wasn't even my own
where i would never be welcome in a ministry position, much less one that involved the prophetic

somewhere along the line the discouragement turned into sadness
for what the people in that church were missing out on
and i began yearning for a way to share in some small way
the things i was learning

and then in the youth group where we volunteered, the pastor began a series on the Holy Spirit
and he, i knew, was a believer in the workings as i had experienced them
and i felt the freedom as well as the nudge from Holy Spirit
to be transparent and real with our students

and it was good
(i posted about it during that time: here)

and one wednesday night
i was helping to lead worship
and as the man who was leading the teaching portion of the service
was speaking of the Glory of God and all the blessings we are poised to receive from Him

and i began having a dialogue with my Papa
i was almost angry
as i bowed my head and asked "why don't they SEE it?
they will never understand the full scope of what he's saying."

when i looked up
i'm sure anyone glancing at our part of the platform wondered
why i had a sudden "deer in the headlights" expression
but for the first time EVER
i was seeing an angel

he stood tall in the middle of the aisle
and was silent, looking straight ahead
and in his hands were golden coins

i knew immediately that the coins overflowing from the angel's hand
were blessings ready to be poured out on any who were ready to receive
and i continued staring
though everything in me wanted to run to him
draw attention to him somehow

i knew it wasn't time

this story has a ps
that i will share soon

but as i blinked over and over to ensure that he was in fact still there

i knew that God had opened my eyes to see that He is still in this place
as discouraged as i was
He was ready to pour out blessings to His children here

and i left that night
comforted in the knowledge
and a whole lot more at peace
with still being there

God-seeker {lesson two}

continuation of this post

lesson two began during one of the most difficult journeys i have faced

i was in the midst of foreclosure
you can read all of that story on my main blog if you don't know it
but it was an amazing time of seeing God clearly writing the script for each day

if i'd ever wondered the meaning of "one day at a time" i can truly say i learned it then
only sometimes it was more of "one minute at a time" or "one BREATH at a time"

life was...crazy.

and yet i had never felt so calm in the midst of chaotic times
yes, my heart was broken
but i had this strange peace
and no one understood it
(least of all me)

it was during this time that He led me to a second unfamiliar place
though this one looked a bit more like the church i had come to faith in
it was still...out there

angels, visions, scary accurate prophecy and all out CRAZY was just a normal night at this place
and while earlier in my life i probably would have balked and ran
there was something
so familiar about this unfamiliar

i began to realize that i had been operating in some of these realms for most of my life
(this is where i lost half of you, right?!)
but i never had language for it

how could i have said "i feel like God wants you to know..."when i couldn't believe that He spoke?
and yet...how could i not believe that He spoke when i so clearly knew that He did?
in this place
with strangely familiar in the unfamiliar
i began to learn
that the reason i made with confidence decisions the rest of the (even Christian) world thought crazy
was not because it was a whim
it really was His leading

time after time after time i had gathered the evidence

in this place, i gained the language.

and more than that
my eyes continued to be open

to the fact that He hadn't left the Mass
He hadn't left my church of origin
He hadn't left my "sunday morning" church
but He was most definitely here

that whole "church is universal" thing had begun for me in college
when i traveled to puerto rico and then to europe
sang songs in english while the german version was being sung beside me
and was moved to tears

somehow
i don't think i'd grasped
that the church is universal
even two blocks down the street

He is there
He is working
and my eyes were (are) slowly being opened
to the wild extremes He works in!

God-seeker {lesson 1}

it's amazing how the last few years have played out

God has had me on a treasure hunt, of sorts.
i found myself, hurting because of circumstances in the small group i was in
searching for a place to remain anonymous

and what i found instead, was that Jehovah "Sneaky"
was setting into motion a years-long course
in how to find Him

i grew up in one denomination, found faith in another, and deepened my relationship in yet another

yet i was still pretty sure i had Him figured out.

but this longing for familiarity while being anonymous
led me to Mass
in an unfamiliar place
with unfamiliar people...

...except, they weren't unfamiliar at all
here i began to connect quite unintentionally
with people i learned lived a few doors down from me
and others who i would have never imagined i had things in common with

it's one of my gifts, really
connecting with people from varied backgrounds, ages, race
God has placed in me an innate curiosity
and so i am genuinely interested in their lives
therefore, relationship is formed

so when i say i unintentionally connected
that is the truth

but that wasn't the only thing
this unfamiliar place
this Church that i had always seen as mysterious and untouchable somehow
became a new sanctuary
where He taught me
through the homilies i listened to
and the sacredness
reverence
of the service
that He is never changing
and i found a comfort
in the familiarity
and a sense
that yes, He is there

and i learned it over and over
through the kneeling and rising
the rhythm of the service
the goosebumps of awe each time the elements were consecrated
the humility and wonder of the Holiest of Holy days

i drank it in
drank Him in
this side of Him i'd never seen
never noticed before

through it all i continued going to the church i called home
but visited often
and then suddenly
i felt Him say this season was over

lesson one was complete

(to be continued)